Birthdays: Happy for whom? Part Two

Continuation from previous post.
"The nurses tried to change his mind and when that failed, they offered coffee. Nope, his jaw was set. I bundled us up and bid farewell to the panic-stricken nurses. Out into the howling wind and snow we went.

No one else was on the roads and this both relieved and terrified me. After nearly dumping the car in the ditch the first time, I started in praying to God, Jesus, even Mother Nature for a miracle. Honestly, I don't know what threatened your new life more, the storm and a drunk dad or me holding you so tight.

Before we got home, we had plowed through a half dozen snowdrifts that were easily 3 feet high. Each time, it resulted in a blast of snow pounding the windshield but your dad never slowed down and somehow kept the car between powerline poles. Once, the car was sliding sideways toward the ditch and a strange force shoved the car back straight. Probably an angel. But here we are and nobody will ever take my and your miracle away. I know what's what.

You know, when we got home and I tried to nurse you, I'm pretty sure all ya got was cheese curds, that's how stressed out I was." [TMI, Ma, Too Much Information]

 My mother's account left me with mixed emotions. Taking it at face value, miracle and all, I felt divinely loved and protected, felt I surely had been spared for a purpose. But, I also felt discounted and unworthy. After all, wasn't my life worth protecting by my dad? What about my mom? Why didn't she refuse to go, even if only for her sake? Life is rarely only black and white, so after the story I went on my unmerry way conflicted. Funny, is it not, how life often offers contradictory options.

Not so fast, Newsong! Give us something redemptive here. Sure thing. Though I haven't outlived muscle memory and autonomic response to Anniversary Effect, I choose to remember some critical truths.

1. I'm still here and loved by not only family and friends but especially Gitchi Manido, Great Mystery/Creator.
2. Being highly sensitive and intuitive can be both bane and benefit, not only to self but others. True, I can easily get overwhelmed and perceive things like birthdays as stressful, but I can just as quickly be there for someone in need. In the end, I believe the benefits will outweigh the liabilities.
3. I was born into a realm of relative affluence when compared to being born elsewhere, even in this country. I use this as a reality check when feeling down on myself and life.
4. Just because I regard celebrating my birthday as pointless and not something that creates happiness for me, I'll not deny others the opportunity to celebrate my birth and presence. Heck, I'm happy for so many existing and being part of my life.

In closing, I part ways knowing I'm not alone in all this. I share a winter birthday with lots of folk and I know many of them likely struggle with similar things because of it. If you happen to be one, I'd love hearing from you. Specifically, I'd like to know how you deal with it, or don't. Who knows, maybe one of us will create a group for us all to join and celebrate each other, even if virtually.

Baamaapii miinwaa kaawaabmin = later again I see you {Ojibwe}

May your moccasins never wear thin and your spirit always soar.
Migizi Newsong